Monday, March 15, 2010

What is in my heart?

February 14th is Valentine's Day all over the world... Thing is though I don't really care for Valentine's Day. The custom was never big over here in my younger years, and now that it has conquered our Calvinistic little country I don't have a thing for it. My only sweet valentine memory was from when I was about 8 years old. Our dad took me and my sister Noëlle to the toyshop for what he called: my special friends day. We could pick whatever we wanted (well, to a certain price level). I had longed desparately for a Barbie doll to be mine, but my mom was totally against that honouring the 2nd feministic wave that was over us. Barbie equalled: suppression, low self esteem and a stepping stone towards Body Dismorphic Disorder. Thanks to my Dad, that night I got my Barbie look-a-like and was on cloud 9!

So missing the proper Feb#14-gene I didn't want to make a "classical" valentine BJP. Still, beading about what I hold dear wouldn't be so bad an idea now, would it? I set out thinking about how my piece would have to become an illustration of what is in my heart. The most obvious answer being: my 2 lovely kids. I asked my daughter (who has inherited my Barbie DNA) if she had for example a single shoe leftover from what was once a pair and would be able to miss it. I already had some spare parts from what used to be a toy-car from my son. I did want somehow to incorporate a heart(shape), but wasn't sure on how...

... and then my life was turned upside down from one moment to another. I am struggling with a severe, recurrent depression and things got so bad that it was best if I were admitted. All of a sudden what was in my heart was not merely my kids (although they are what keeps me on my feet), but even more: how can I survive? What is in my heart that needs to be seen and told? What can it tell me about the things that need to heal? Here's the outcome of my soulsearching:

It would be tempting to tell you all about this piece, but I first want you to just look at it and see if it releases its story. I curious to what will be your thoughts and feelings, and maybe even musical associations and will be back with mine later.

In the meantime, if you want to have fun with all the things you can do to or with a Barbie be sure to check out the portfolio of Margaux Lange.


  1. Ahhhhhh...I see a fractured heart that won't let go in spite of it's cracks. It's bead journaling at it's finest.

  2. I'm *hoping* that the stitching and zipper are mending your heart, Dees. I see some despair and a storm cloud, but I believe that you are moving into the light and away from these things :-)



  3. Dear Dees:
    I see a beautiful heart in turmoil and held together by the flowers of your soul, the ones you hold the dearest. The white paths through it are scars that are healing and drawing your heart back together. Your heart sits above the darkness, not quite black, but a scary place that your heart avoids. Your heart leans toward the green field of of life and energy. The butterflies lift your spirits toward the blue sky where you will be serene. I is there, you are reaching to it, you are almost there.

  4. Great pieces and doodling does pay off doesn't it!!

  5. when i first saw it, i was overcome with emotion...such a strong piece. but i wasn't sure if it was a happy or sad emotion...maybe a little of both...a precarious balance of light and dark. i see the healing green going into the heart to help mend it. i do hope the pieces of the heart get mended!

  6. I can see a mended heart but i can also see Barbie's colours. Whatever the meaning is, it is yours but the beading is beautiful. Kt.

  7. it's stunning.

    I see love. and so MUCH incredible beauty.

    I see the dark side trying to suck the life out of your heart but, luckily, the broken piece is being rebuilt by God's goodness -- and the ladybug is supervising!

    Though on close scrutiny, your heart is "broken" -- when you first look at this piece, it is very clearly, and most definitely a beautiful heart.

    And I LOVE that the happy side of your heart...takes up two thirds of the page...makes me want to stand on top of the page and boot kick the dark parts over the edge so the good can spread. But we can't, right? It's all got to be part of making the new heart...everything...the good the bad and the ugly...but transformed, your heart will shine brighter and better...the butterflies represent transformation.

    And, did you know there is a lesson for us in photography? It's been raining for five straight days. But overcast and rainy days, are when the colors of the world...the flowers, the trees, the people...are most glorious. When colors are always in the sunlight...they are somewhat outshone by the brightness.

    Your piece is a stunner. And yes, what bead journaling is all about. I hope it's helping you to heal. And from a technical perspective, I love the white beads coming off the left top of the heart...and the fact that you used red thread with the clear matte beads. brilliant. much love, Susan

  8. I, too, see the heart being stitched together. It will come together and fill the hole.
    Marty S
    Crackpot Beader

  9. When I first looked at your piece I thought, "Ah, broken hearts can be beautifully mended". It's a great piece, no matter what the story.

  10. what a puzzle our hearts can be
    broken, mended, floating free
    held together by friends and family

    that's what I saw... much hugs from another chronic depression sufferer. kat


Thank you for reading my blog and joining me on my voyage into life with and without beads. I hope it brings you new thoughts and inspiration.
Love to see you back!


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