Friday, April 30, 2010

BJP for march 2010

A couple of weeks ago I blogged about my march-piece in my post Growing Strong. Little did I know it would grow out to the extend that it has! It all started with doodling while at work in late january, early february. (For those who have not  followed me here or on Facebook: I have been on sickleave since february 9th.) I doodled a simple tree with just a few leaves, which is exactly what I started out with on this piece.

Soon I added the heart at the centre of my tree and the fringes that most, who saw this beginning, named roots. They were not intended to represent roots, but maybe they have become roots in the process. I wanted to make the trees connection to the soil visible and the nutrients it gets from it. I thought of those tree-foods as the fuel for the tree to be able to live, the "fire within" or Chi, hence the red/orange/yellow beads.

And then all of a sudden, I released myself from hospital and tumbled into turmoil. Because I have the intention to make my pieces real journals, in the sense that I want them to tell my story of that month, the turmoil has become very visible in the end. This is the landscape the tree grew into:

As I did with my other pieces, I want to tell you in more detail what all the parts mean. So I have once againg devided it into sections:

1. I stand strong
I could also call this piece: I will survive. That is exactly what this sturdy tree is meant to be: the confirmation that through all turmoil I will straighten my back and will stand. My feet connected to Mother Earth, growing and nourishing the fire that is crackling in my veins.

2. I'm working in my garden
The garden has, now that I write this down, become my metaphor for the rough times I am working through. In my february-piece I took a piece of my heart and replaced it in a little garden to heal and grow again. In this piece, the righthand corner is the most peacefull and restfull. I loved to play with colors in the beads as well as the thread, and that did make me feel comfortable. Although being in admitted wasn't easy, I found rest and a little distraction in beading which is visible in this part.

3. where I can bloom and lay back
The grass on the bottom is the last part of the piece that I embroidered while still in the hospital, before the turmoil began. Not that my moods weren't swinging from the highest highs to the lowest lows at that time, but I found some ways to still be able to tune in to my inner needs and wishes: to lay back, rest and bloom again. The first few days at home I could tap into that stream although it became harder by the hour. So when I beaded the bright (white) air and the flowers, I stopped working on this corner and moved up.

4. dark clouds are gathering
After a few days it was obvious that my stay in hospital didn't bring me any good. On the contrary, the events of the last days of my stay made it clear that my depression had gotten worse and I was far from laying back and blooming. In fact, I could feel the tension aching in all the fibres of my body. I felt as though a giant thunderstorm was going to overcome me and would wash me away. There was no movement, no going with the flow, just straight lines of fear, anger and sadness, the absence of colour.

5. growing leafs
Then I returned to the heart of my tree, to the fire within, and realized that I had to grow a lot more leafs to reach out to the world, to get in touch with the Earth and myself. So for a couple of nights I franticly beaded leafs.... first in the color of fire, but as they grew more and more to the outer limits of the tree in pale but promissing green. I call them my "ghost-leaves" meaning that they will grow eventually, although now there may still only be a promiss. Then I refound some peace and the skies turned blue again. With white clouds, but blue, meaning the heaviest part of the storm was over... the sun was going to shine again.

March was quite a month, quite a story... but in the end I have learned that somehow, somewhere there must be a way that I can stand up and say: Hey, I am growing strong!

I won't leave you without a proper piece of music to accompany this piece. To be honest it took me quite a while before I found a piece that illustrated my feelings. I think I have found it in this "Little Fugue" in G-minor, BWV 578 by Johann Sebastian Bach (one of my favorite composers). Originally the piece was composed for the organ, but here it is performed on the piano.The sound in this video is not perfect, but the visualization shows how the simple line (doodle) at the start is accompanied by other melodies into quite a sound and then to return to a more peacefull ending.


  1. Words fail, but stunningly beautiful comes to mind!

  2. As Barbara says, "words fail"... meaning I feel with this piece... I feel your struggles and your strength... I feel the hope and the depths... the way life overwhelms and sticks you... the way you cling to the branches of the tree taking what little chi/nourishment you can from it... the way your heart is one with the heart of the tree... protected and yet visible. Oh my goodness, how I would like to see and touch this piece in person... how I would like to know you in person.... how I wish I could heal the broken places and make it all about your garden and sunshine. All three of your pieces are utterly amazing, Dees. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the gifts of your talent and insights!

    Hugs, Robin A.

  3. Dees - I think this is the most amazing piece I have ever seen. Your honesty and the emotions that went into making it are so visible, so on the surface, that I feel I am right there with you - in the hospital, out of the hospital, struggling to get well, finding your anchor. Thank you for sharing this amazing journal page with us.


  4. This is an amazing piece of work and the combination of the commentary of your thoughts while you were beading have explained your feelings in a visual way. Now add the music. Its graphic is so much like life, starting out peacefully, becoming filled with emotions, then returning to calm as we age and try to quell the waves.

    Its shows your strength and determination to conquer the dark.

    I agree with Robin..I would love to know you in person.
    Warmest Wishes

  5. It's MAGNIFICENT!!!

    Dees your work is powerful; it's evocative -- your work conveys a tremendous amount of emotion and I don't even need to read the story...

    I wish you could be next to me when I open up your monthly bead journals -- My breath physically leaves my body and I am overcome with the absolute brilliance and radiance of your work.

    I am so very sorry that you struggle -- but you are managing to convert that struggle into an absolute work of art. You are indeed on a path and you have the strength to weather the storms...and you will become a stronger tree and a stronger heart because of it.

    Thank you for deciding to show up here and for deciding to share your art and your story. It is, to me, MAGNIFICENT...

    Much love, Susan

  6. I agree with Susan, my breath leaves my body when I look at this. I am awestruck. I can feel the emotion you've beaded into it. Absolutely amazing job! Take care.

  7. I can only echo what others have said, I agree with Robin, Carol, and Susan in that I would love to know you in person. Amazing beadwork, amazing you. Thank you for sharing your story/journal of your beadwork and life.
    May many more peaceful, bright days visit you and your garden.

  8. Such power in both this fabulous piece you have created and in the music you have chosen to accompany it. Bach's Little Fugue is also one of my favorites. I love how the layers build over and under each other...I'm also a huge fan of all his "inventions". May all the layers of your life arrive at the same point of harmony as this glorious piece of music!

  9. very beautiful piece...both in workmanship and feelings...

  10. dees, i just admire how your beatiful works of art have so much depth and meaning for you...truly a journal. your personal life is unfolding, evolving, ever-changing, and you depict all of that so wonderfully in your pieces. i wish you happiness and peace and blue skies over your garden and tree.

  11. Oh, Dees, this is a beautiful piece, and I love the way you managed to put so much journaling into it.


  12. This piece is stunning.... I only recently started with beaded embriodery, but with inspiration like this I don't think I will be putting it down to soon. It really is as if we can see your highs and lows thru the beads. I so agree with the others it would be an honor to meet you. Beth

  13. A beautiful and powerful piece. Thanks for sharing the meaning of your work.
    Wishing you the best,
    Marty S
    Crackpot Beader

  14. Holy cow, you really did bead your life story! This is impressive, on so many levels. Way to go! I wish you joy in the coming months.


Thank you for reading my blog and joining me on my voyage into life with and without beads. I hope it brings you new thoughts and inspiration.
Love to see you back!


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